I recently got separated and well, a holistic, healthy separation is not always easy, that is my discovery.  I came across this article and thought I’d share it for the many of those going through the same thing.

Have a GREAT day!

All single parents out there will tell you that it is probably one of the hardest tasks that they have ever had to face. Between struggles with time, finances, and even loneliness, the job of a single parent is hard and never ending. However, many single parents will also tell you that it is one of the most rewarding and fulfilling tasks they have ever had to face as well.

Single parents can be the result of divorce, death, or many other issues that can cause single parenthood. No matter what brought you to this type of parenthood, you will be able to find some great advice that will help you to become a better single parent. While it can be a tough task, there are many other things out there that can be much more difficult to face. Take the time to learn more about your child so that you can effectively face the future with them and give them everything that they could possibly get from two parents.

While single parent homes are not traditional homes, you are seeing them becoming more and more common. This is why it is so important for single parents to take the time to learn some of the best things that they can do to become a better parent.

The first thing that you need to do is explain to your child that the fact that they only have one parent does not have anything to do with them. It is not something that is unaccepted or weird. It is something that happens, and it is something that they can live and strive with. Make sure that they know it will not be a big problem. Once you clear this up with your child, you will be better able to take the time to focus on the needs of your child. Make sure that your child fits in at home and at school as well as with their friends.

You should take some extra time out to spend with your child, because unlike most children, they do not have that extra parent around to spend time with. They are going to be solely focused on you as their primary caregiver. While it can be hard, financially especially, being a single parent, you will have to work through it and be able to do it the best that you can. It is your responsibility. When you love your child, you will see to it that they are well taken care of and do not go with any needs unmet. This is something that just comes naturally between a parent and their child.

Another thing that is very important for single parents is to remember that they need to focus on things other than their child sometimes too. You must take some time out for yourself. Having to be both a mother and a father can be a tough thing to do, and you should make sure that you take some breaks sometimes so that you can be the best you can be for yourself as well as for your child. Take these things into consideration.

Parents play a lead role in setting the overall tone in their families. Parents whose overall tone tends to be negative often have homes filled with stress and tension. While parents who take a more positive approach create calmer, happier homes.

A Home Filled with Tension

One mom told me about all the stress in her home. One of her three sons was doing very poorly in school. She and her husband were constantly nagging Joe to do his homework although it didn’t seem to help much. Sometimes Joe even skipped school and they responded by yelling at him and grounding him.

However, Joe would leave the house even though he was grounded. Home was not a welcoming place for Joe. This family turned things around when they made the tough decision to let Joe worry about his homework and grades instead of them. When they stopped nagging him, he started spending more time at home and he actually began taking more responsibility for his homework.

Replacing Negative Statements with Positive Statements

Sometimes parents get in the habit of interacting with their children using negative statements and commands. Read the following statements one dad made to his children and think about how you would feel if you were a child hearing these remarks:

• “You aren’t going outside until you put sunscreen on.”
• “Stop messing around with that!”
• “If you don’t hurry up and get your shoes on, I’m not taking you.”
• “You’ve already watched too much TV. You should not have turned it on again, now turn it off.”
• “You’re not eating dinner until you wash your hands.”
• “You are dawdling and we’re going to be late!”
• “Stop bugging your sister!”

How do you feel after reading these statements?

Let’s look at how these same ideas could be expressed more positively:

• “Feel free to go outside as soon as you put sunscreen on.”
• “That could break so you can play with this instead.”
• “I am leaving in two minutes. I’ll be happy to take you if have your shoes on.”
• “Your TV time is up for today. Would you like to turn the TV off or would you like me to turn it off?”
• “Please wash your hands and then join us for dinner.”
• “We’re leaving in 5 minutes. Do you plan to be dressed or will you be taking your clothes in a bag?”
• “Your sister wants to be left alone right now. Do you want to play a game with me or go outside and play?”

How do you feel now? The words we use make a huge difference!

Results of Positive Statements

When we use more positive statements we demonstrate confidence that our children are likely to choose appropriate behavior. If we instead use a lot of nagging, ordering and yelling, we convey to our children that we feel they are likely to mess up if we’re not constantly on top of them – not quite the message we want to send!

By getting in the habit of positively stating requests, you will make the overall tone of your family more encouraging and optimistic. This is an essential ingredient in making your home a warm, welcoming place for everyone.

Kathy Slattengren is an internationally recognized parenting educator and founder of Priceless Parenting, http://www.PricelessParenting.com. Priceless Parenting provides an online parenting class which teaches effective discipline techniques for positively dealing with misbehavior.